Most days I am able to tolerate the terrible schedule of the pharmacy, the lack of a summer, the fact that Grundy is no where near where I want to go, and even the fact that Justin is in possession of approximately 10 trees in the form of notes. But the worst thing of all is that they have sent Justin 2 hours away to do a 3-week rotation when there are plenty of options within normal commute times from our house. I say the "worst thing of all" simple because it is issue at hand, a month ago the worst thing of all was 4 finals in one week.
I don't like putting the kids to bed by myself. I don't like them asking me if their dad is going to be back in the morning, I don't like sleeping in an empty bed. I don't like the lack of bass solos playing in the house. And believe it or not I don't like pity parties, but sometimes they can't be avoided (in case you were wondering, this is one of those times).
I don't notice how lonely I am for him until the kids are in the bed and I realize just how quiet it is in the house. The only advantage is that I can let Nathan or Natalie sleep in the bed with me, I loved it when one of my parents were out of town so that I could sleep in the bed with the other. I know its odd but somehow sleeping in the bed with one of my parents made me feel strangely independent. As much fun as it is to cuddle with a 7 year old, it’s not the same as laying my head on my hub's shoulder.
I keep forgetting to drink coffee. I love coffee but it never seems to enter my mind until I am about to lose my temper because my head is splitting from the lack of caffeine. I am enough of a caffeine addict to need it, but just barely so that I don't think about it until its 4 o'clock in the afternoon and I am super cranky.
I don't really feel like I am one of those people whose world revolves around their spouse, but since he is gone I have had absolutely no motivation to do anything. I have an enormous pile of clean clothes that need to be folded and an equally large pile of dirty ones and the couch is covered with slightly smaller versions of normal instruments. I have emails that need to be sent and phone calls that need to be made but I don't want to do anything. You don't think about how influential you spouse is until they aren't around. All I can think of is that song by Colbie Caillet, "I miss everything about you".
So to sum everything up, pharmacy school ruins EVERYTHING!!